para's icy galaxy

Hey gs!

Okay even though it's late I'm going to try super hard to be coherent in this post and talk about the Top 5 least useful superpowers in fiction.

Well actually I guess that's implied because there are no superpowers outside of fiction useful or otherwise.

Well those are just some consequences we have to deal with.  Well those aren't consequences.  I am so good at this I'm correcting my typos left and right forward.

Just get on with it, Site. Haha what if Site was my last name because Para was my first name? And what if Gob was Gob's first name and Lin was his last name? THen he would be asian!!!
ahah
H

I hacn't contain my laguther right now.

Oops well just let's have these things because I have them all planned out so I don't even need to think about it so much.

5.

Oh wait I didn't put them in order yet. Okay let me quick do that.

Alrighty tighty lefty loosey.

5. Finding people (Molly Walker from Heroes)

Finding people is super useful!!! Except if you want to do anything except find people... Not often do I ever find myself HAHAHAHA omg I did not mean for that to happen!!! Okay but not often do I ever find myself wanting to find a person and wishing oh man I wish I had a superpower that could do this.  Plus you can easily be replaced by a gps.  Plus Molly can't just like know where people are. Oh no she has to get out her special map and her special pins and spend like two minutes concentrating. Also what happens if you think someone is in Minnesota so you get out your map of Minnesota but it turns out they're in Japan? Would you just sit there forever with your eyes closed waiting for something to happen? Would you self-destruct? Would you just be like "they're not anywhere." And then the person would think that they're dead! OH AND I FORGOT you can't even find anyone. You need like a picture of them first so you can see what they look like or something.  Wow also Molly is even more useless on a slightly unrelated note because 1. at first her power can't be used at all because she has the virus. and then 2. when she tries to use it to find someone with telepathy he easily incapacitates her. What a useless little girl wowwww.

4. Hearing the thoughts of people in pictures (Charlie Bone from the Charlie Bone series)

To be honest I read these book a long time ago so I can't really remember, but I seem to recall being disgusted by the main character because all he could do was hear the thoughts of people in pictures.  I mean, does that actually sound impressive to you.  Like this kid goes to a school for people with special abilities or some shit and that is all he can do... Why does he even need to go to this school? Exactly what is he supposed to use this great gift for? The only way I can see it being useful is if you are a historian or something.  In which case he should go to history school or I don't even know.  I'm pretty sure there was more to the story and they had to like go on some adventure in which Charlie's power happened to come in handy but honestly that seems just a bit contrived to me, how about you?

3. Controlling boxes (the Box Ghost from Danny Phantom)

BEWARE!!! This guy can make boxes float around!!! OH NO HE CAN DO WHAT LIKE 75% OF ALL OTHER GHOSTS CAN DO BUT he can only do it for boxes.  And cardboard things.  And the occasional bubble wrap. You'd think like maybe he'd be able to manifest boxes but nope. He can't. He has to go out and find boxes... And besides flying, which all ghosts can do, this is actually his only power.  Like most ghosts have at least some sort of ecto-energy thing that they can use offensively but I'm quite sure the box ghost has nothing of the sort. I mean the best thing the box ghost can really do it like. You have a box. You open the box. The Box Ghost pops out. You were not expecting that. It's the surprise attack.

2. Reading lore (Rex Greene from the Midnighters series)

To be honest a lot of the Midnighters have useless powers.  Like the one girl who's power is being good at math.  And the other girl who's power is using flashlights.  But none are so useless as this guy's power FOR THE ONE REASON that he is considered the most powerful. I dOn't GET IT!!! Like that one guy can FLY (albeit only for one secret hour of the day) and that one chick can read mind ALL THE TIME but okay the most powerful guy can just. Read the history of the Midnighters. Okay, why don't you team up with Charlie and you two can be history buffs together!!!  Oh and he can like. See when other people are Midnighters. Which as far as I can tell he probably only had to do that four times or whatever since there are only five of them. Also this guy is the most annoying by far and I can't remember him ever being useful.

1. Breathing underwater (Alex Woolsey from Heroes)

There is a reason humans can't breath underwater.  It is because we live on land. WHY WOULD YOU NEED TO BREATH UNDERWATER!!?!? YOU ARE THE ONLY GUY WHO CAN DO IT WHO ARE YOU EXPECTING TO MEET IN THE WATER??? WHEN DOES THIS EVER COME IN HANDY/???? Oh, you say you were on a swim team?? How convenient for you!!! But wait! Now don't you work in a comic book store? So...let me get this straight, you probably read a lot of comics... and in a lot of comics there are people with amazing superpowers. And you have a superpower too, but it's breathing underwater, which since you now work in a comic book store, probably never comes in handy. HOW HAVE YOU NOT KILLED YOURSELF BY NOW???? Also sorry buddy but now the government is going to kidnap you AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOUR POWER HAS ABSOLUTELY NO OFFENSIVE PROPERTIES.  Okay, you could go live in the ocean. I bet they won't find you there... But really, if breathing underwater is dangerous, why don't they want to go after all the fish....? I really don't understand how this is even considered a superpower. But it is, AND THEREFORE IT IS THE LEAST USEFUL SUPERPOWER EVER. IF THIS WAS MY SUPERPOWER I WOULD JUMP OFF A BRIDGE, THEN REMEMBER THAT I COULD BREATH UNDERWATER, THEN SWIM TO SHORE THEN CARVE OUT MY HEART WITH A BLUNT STONE.

In conclusion, the least useful superpowers are:
1. USELESS
2. good if you like history