house of cats

Why doesn't McDonald's sell hotdogs? 
Because they are a burger joint, not a hotdog  joint.

At a movie theater which arm rest is yours? 
Just follow the lead of what the person sitting on the very edge does and then if everyone puts their arm on the same side everything will be good.

What is Satan's last name? 
Somberg.

Why do doctors leave the room when you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. 

I’ve never had a doctor see me naked so I wouldn’t know (except when I was born probably)

Where does the toetag go on a dead person if they don't have toes? 

On his fingers.

If you're driving a federal owned car, and you run a stop sign, is it considered a felony? 

No.

Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commericals that says "Not available in all states"? 

Because some states are better than others.

If you dug a hole through the center of the earth,and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity? 

The magma would kill you first.

If a person dies and then springs back to life, do they get their money back for the coffin? 

No but they can just go ahead and store it for future use.

If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and you're the main witness, what if you say "no"? 
Then you will be told to go away.

                                     
Do they bury people with their braces on? 

Depends on whether the dentist will agree to work on a dead body or not.

Do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do it themselves? 

They go to other dentists.  That would be like impossible to do everything themselves.

If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, then do girls with one leg work at IHOP?

I’ve never seen a girl with one leg work at IHOP and I’ve been very many times.
 
Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron? 

Idiot and moron mean the same thing so whoever wrote these questions is considered an idiot and a moron.

Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don't taste or smell anything like it. 

It’s not grape flavor.  It is purple drink.

If its 11:30 PM Dec 31 in Texas and 12:30 AM Jan 1st in New York and you have a New York driver's license that expires Jan 2007, does that mean your license has expired? 

Your license expires in whatever time zone you are in.
Why is the Lone Ranger called 'Lone' if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him? 
Because they are collectively “lone’.

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? 
To leave some bread to surround the edges of the meat.

If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor? 

Because they are magical.

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

Can animals commit suicide? 

Humans are animals and we commit suicide.
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

Let nature run its course.

If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?

He would probably be transferred to a different room with different doctors to work on him.

Why aren't drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?
Because it would be too expensive.
Why is it that when we "skate on thin ice", we can "get in hot water"?

I have never heard someone say those two phrases in a row so I don’t think you can.

Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
Because chocolate eggs are delicious.  Why do humans carry eggs?  Humans don’t lay eggs.
Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?
Probably two since they are two people.
Why are they called 'Jolly Ranchers'? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?
They make you feel jolly inside.

Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person? 
Yes.
If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?
They probably should just to play it safe in case they have a stubbly head, but they don’t have to.

If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, does it go bad if the cow isnt refrigerated? 

Milk inside of a cow is different from when it comes out of the cow.

Do astronauts change their clocks when they move over different time zones in space?

Probably not.

When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?
Because the ocean is so vast.
Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull a baby to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle on the ground?
Because the movement of rocking a baby is peaceful and calming.
What does PU stand for (as in "PU, that stinks!")?

Pennsylvania University

Can cannibals be arrested for being under the influence of alcohol (e.g. drunk-driving) if they have eaten someone who was drunk?

It depends on how much of the person they eat has the alcohol inside of it.

Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?
People do say that…
If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?

It depends on the seriousness of both situations.

Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs butts?

It is just in the nature of dogs to do that.

Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?
Some Chinese people probably do.
Do you wake up or open your eyes first?

Wake up.

Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?

Yes.  In metal crates.

How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
Very carefully.

In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?

To let you write in your own notes about the book.

Why can't donuts be square? 

Have you not heard of the place that is called “Square Donuts” that sells square donuts in Terre Haute?

Do people in prison celebrate halloween.... if so how? 
They probably don’t
What happens if a queen gives birth to a pair of siamese twins? Who gets to be king?
Whichever side of the Siamese twins comes out first.
How come cats butts go up when you pet them?
Because it is in the nature of cats to do that.
How come you never see a billboard being put up by the highway? 
Never say never.
Do the English people eat English muffins, or are they just called muffins? 
They are probably just muffins.
Why do people say "heads up" when you should duck?
They are giving you a heads up that it would be wise to duck.